Sink the Sub

Here is my report:

BS here taking a stab at the Tuesday Edition September 12, 2008 Edition of Morning Madness, as Rick was sick.

I can mostly comment from my perspective in the back of the pack. First, Tom did a lot of work at the front. Second, the pace was not too hard. Third, Herrick was there. Fourth, who is the Puerto Rican guy that jumped on, took a pull, and then blew up? Herrick seemed to know him, and was quite perturbed at our matching the pace.

I left the back of the back only twice, but for good reason, and with purpose in mind. The first time was to pull folks up to Tom, who just wouldn’t slow down for any reason whatsoever. Automaton Tom.

The second time I went to the front was to bestow the coup de grace in a Fabian Cancellara manner. I took off hard for the last minute. I got a good gap, but then Tom caught me, and won the sprint. Russ E. also came up and passed me. No one else was anywhere near. I averaged about 560 watts for that minute. Hope it hurt everyone real good!

I thought I blew the pack apart, but it’s my understanding that someone didn’t jump when I took off. But, that is not what I saw in my rear-view

Dodgeball

So today's efforts were made interesting by ourselves and others in soo many ways. We started our usual roll out down the smooth side when a lady with a extenda-killyourdog-leash let her small dog go after a rather large dog. Cool! Then..... We were rolling just fine with the Tabinator, Matt and Flyer Shirer decided to make sure this was a ride to remember. the Tabinator was not so much launching attacks as cranking the pace up to 30 and holding it there till everyone screamed uncle. FS kept launching attacks as some form of bike Yoga...or yoyo. What got funny though is after one of FS's intervals it appears that the tabinator was a little bugged and he pinned it and almost dropped FS. Anyhow the ride was good and quality up to the final lap when our ambassadorship really took a hit. The lady we forced into the barricade at the bath house could be consider happy customer number 1, then the cop we went head on into at 30 on the bike path might be our 2nd taker of the fun, our third happy recipient of the bronze shammy has to be the old lady we swarmed on westshore, and our MVP for patience is also the volvo we ran the stop sign in front of to get back on. But the sprint did happen and Flyer Shirer took the prize. So I will have video up tonight to take a look at and incriminate ourselves!!

A day late a bike chain short

Went to head out for the thursday ride and my chain broke on the way out the door. Me stay home!!

It was thursday though so lets get busy. Today we have the fond chance to catch up with one of the construction cones at the lake regarding his temporary relationship with the cyclist.

MRM: Mr. Conestez, thanks for stopping in with us today. How would you say your stay with us at the lake has been lately?

MrC. Yo essee. I don't know what you gringos think you are doing on bikes at the lake.... but dude this place sucks now that the open container law hit these parts.

MRM: True but how has your relationship been with the cyclist?

MrC. Its alright man but you will see I have been trying my darndest to sneek slowly over to the lane some hopeing I can catch a bar or a pedal or something. I think that would be funn yu kno.

MRM: So the times we have seen the cones knocked down or in the lane have really not been accidental but a purposefull attempt to knock pedestrians down?

MrC: Man sure, all that money this city is putting into improving the lake we gotta get some satisfaction out of it, and the fat cops on bikes out here don't make them much fun to knock over.

MRM: How much longer will you be with us?

MrC: I am never leaving the city did the low bid process on this and we have all jacked up the pricing so high, they don't have the funds to finish!!!!!!!! That's funny ey!!! Gotta go. Concrete truck in the bike lane. I gotta move in his way.

Fall Cometh, Time to go to School!

So fall is coming. Time to prime the lights and get ready for a dose of bug protein at the lake now. This mornings race report will be somewhat brief as was my involvement. With The Count back in his tomb by 7 now, the ride started a bit confused. As we overheard the Casket door close it was time to roll out. After a few slow brief moments though Thomas the train worked his way to the front to take his position of leadership and all was suddenly kindof right in this world. Our Celebrity appearances today are as follows. CroZzy was in full force. Big Legged Mirage was back for more. Flyer Shirer showed up on the fixie. Chainknee was out, back on the road bike. ClarkO was also out sporting some very impressive summer fitness. So the fun rolled on. Well we blew the stop sign coming off Mockingbird, and sure enough if someone was coming the opposite direction, time to dip and dive, only to find that someone else had set his bike in the road on a kickstand for us to play some more dodge ball with. I THOUGHT ALL THE HOTTERNHELL HACKS WERE NURSING SADDLE SORES STILL. Anyway Jeep hit it hard up the first hill and started a small bit of fragmentation in the bunch. I moved to the front to take some complimentary pulls and earn my fluids at which point Brandman, Matt of Few Words, Big legged Mirage, and Thomas the Train were on the front rotating. Well coming down the path behind the arboretum my light battery came off of my seatbag. This is not a good thing. As a result I got the battery loose and stuffed it in my jersey pocket. So now I have this battery cable dangling in my rear wheel. I tucked it in my seat bag strap and we hit loving. the group was working pretty hard and fighting together but no one individual was ripping at the legs yet. Well we hit the bottom of the second hill, and darn it if my light cable did not pop loose and wedge itself in the rear brake of my rear wheel. I got to stop. Fixed the light and started rolling backwards to get back together. Well I got back on around the arboretum. Again we hit about 30 mph down the path which was interesting. Heading into Loving a second time, CroZzy was pulling, and setting some wood screws while pulling out the 18 volt dewalt. About this point Judge Roy Dobi hit the gas and started to move up the left. I decided, although I had not done the whole ride it was time to earn my fluids again. Well Judge Roy Dobi and I pinned it and after some BMX turning hit the second hill solo. At this point I thought my efforts were going to make me poop my britches. So I sat on JR Dobi up the second climb. Brian came across and started hitting the front to make our efforts even greater. I took one pull only to realize that Russtic was pulling us back with the group in tow. I burned my matches and I was done. I think CroZzy took the group took the group to the line and it looked like either Pretty Boy Boyd or Russtic took the sprint. Good clean fun had by all.

Honorable mention. Russtic for really taking a personal interest in the real estate known as white rock/well... and Mockingbird. Good to see someone take such interest at the grass roots level of our fair city. A good example to all. Also honorable mention is the dogwood tree for uprooting itself and moving two feet before someone we know hit it.

BikePorn!!!!!

Alright. This rain has me down a bit so here is the deal. A few things have been hitting me as peculiar lately. 1. Our church had a discussion about the dangers of porn and the challenges online stuff has for our youth. I have two boys so it got my attention. Being a Mans Man I have also been faced with the challenge of doing whatever necessary to truly honor my wife who is worthy of honoring so this was something that resonated deeply for me. Anyhow, Flyer Shirer also sent out something listing bikes folks had submitted mainly of the bike messenger variety. Soooo. As a healthy distraction from the basically barely clothed beach volleyball chicks I propose a contest. It is time to rate BikePorn. Submissions should be made to me Rick_Mabus@hotmail.com. I will review bikes based on three different categories.
1st. Most truly sexy bike. Criteria for this is simply based on true sex appeal.
2nd Most original. This could be sexy or downright nasty. This is a more open category
3rd. Biggest Hoopdy. This is something that could be submitted to Pimp my Ride!! If you make me throw up you win.

Winners may or may not get a prize. It depends on if the housing market picks up between now and the end of the contest. I also do not have a determined final date for the contest. I will start by submitting my bikes for a start.

Re-Rack!!

I went to a camp called Kanakuk as a kid in Missouri. The camp was a Christian sports camp, and when I say sports I mean really... really into sports. Our days would consist of waking up for a Mr. Hustle period. Then we would eat breakfast, Cabin Cleanup, and three more periods in different sports disciplines, oh, and you were expected to jog between periods to make sure you were on time to your events. Great camp and a great place to send your kids if you so choose. So you get the drift. Well when it would rain things would come to a halt and we would all go back to our cabins. We would call it re-rack time. Well today I got out at 6 am to ride and noticed the roads were dry but I was getting spit on sitting there. With the forecast this did not bode well for my ride so I crawled back in bed which was not being partially occupied by my wife and 3.5 year old. I have determined they were far better training partners this morning than any of you jokers.

Have a good day and I will see those of you not heading to Hottern Hell Thursday.